Yet another day had ended… and for what purpose? Why did everything else continue on while my life had stopped? Did the sun look upon the earth each day, uncomprehending, unconscious of the hurting people who lived under its gaze?
I begrudged the sun and its brightness, even while I enjoyed its warmth. I envied the birds and their light-hearted songs, their carefree flittings to and fro.
I had always believed that the very existence of those things – birds, trees, sun, stars, music, and so on – was evidence enough that there was a God who had created them all. And my own ability as a human to reason and feel and ask such cosmic questions gave rise to the belief that He must have wanted us to understand Him, at least in part.
So all that I saw and heard and thought kept confirming that there must be some purpose that could be understood and communicated.
But was that purpose GOOD? How could any of this possibly be for MY good? For anyone’s good?
Oh, for all my questioning, I knew deep down that God must be good. But yielding my hurt and my resentment felt like another loss. When one type of emptiness had been forced upon me, why should I voluntarily give those things up? That seemed like too much to ask of a person.
Even so, I knew that this was no way to live. So I asked Him to help me to trust Him again, to believe that He was good.
Remembering how He had helped me in the past, crying in the middle of worship, and laughing with friends and family… these things revived me.
And eventually I could look around me again without resenting the fact that world was still turning. It meant that the darkness couldn’t last forever.
This post took almost 2 hours to write and a couple of minutes to read… but it’s about a process that takes a lot more time. Everyone says that, but it always catches us by surprise when we experience it. So I’m here to say: Don’t let the Devil tell you that delay means defeat. God is still in the healing business. ❤️
Liv'n'Hope 